This is a True Story…

My sister Sabrina and her husband both got emergency calls at work yesterday.dane

The emergency?

The neighbor’s Great Dane, a fawn male who lives behind them, had eaten or torn away part of Sabrina’s fence. Made himself at home in her backyard and then….made himself at home inside their HOME.

Sabrina herself has two geriatric Golden Retrievers, who objected to the Paul Bunyan waltzing in through the dog door.

Where is the footage?

As someone who has owned three Great Danes I’ve got a pretty good imagination. My dad liked to tell people that Forbes was half horse. At 170 pounds—the dog not the dad—a surprising number of people believed him. I didn’t have to lean down to kiss Forbes, he was just right there. He drank out of the bathroom faucet, and sat on chairs, butt in seat, legs on floor, just like you.

One time we stayed with some fancy people for a ski weekend. “Bring your dogs.” They swore it would be fine. They have dogs. They have helpers. “The dogs will be fine.” And so we did. It was a luxurious place. Super fancy breakfast spread, and then the helpers drove us to the ski slope.

“Did breakfast get cleaned up before we left?” I asked.dane2

“No. We’ll do that after we drop you off.”

“I’m guessing you won’t need to.”

Forbes, who had already eaten breakfast, helped himself to a plate of ham, another of croissants, a quarter wheel of Swiss cheese, and a plate of butter. I’m pretty sure he didn’t share with the other three dogs in residence there.

If you left bread on the counter, shame on you.

It would not be there when you got back.

So at Sabrina’s yesterday the whole neighborhood heard her dogs making a ruckus. Someone phoned the owner, who came runnin’ home from work. She stood out back and called, Paul Bunyan came out the dog door pretty as you please.

She called Sabrina’s dogs.

FORGET IT.

Owner has hallucinations about her dog giving Sabrina’s a heart attack.

Sabrina is telling this on the phone, but I’m laughing so hard it’s a little hard to hear the details.

He did rip apart another section of fence near another neighbor, but inside nothing was broken. No heart attacks were had.

“Really,” I asked, “the bread was still on the counter?”

“It was,” she said. “But I have a really big bag of dog food on the floor. I keep the top rolled down, but yesterday it was wide open and I’m guessing he ate a whole lot of dog food.

“And my dogs were absolutely exhausted last night.”

I’m tired too after hosting a party.

Uninvited guests are the worst.

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About Karen Ray

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