“Are You Going to Have a Party?”

Not for me.

Not for me.

When a couple gets married, there are parties, a ceremony. Another party.

If a loved one is gravely ill, we bring food. We keep the family company. If the person dies, we attend the funeral, and the reception afterward at the family home.

When a baby is on the way, there are gifts, and then commiseration about lost sleep. Happy signs in the yard.

An adolescent on the cusp of adulthood might have a quinceanera, a sweet-sixteen party or a bar or bat mitzvah.

What are you supposed to do for a divorce?

Been thinking about that a lot lately. Surprising how many people have asked if I’m going to have a party.

Nope. No party.

There is an LA (of course) Divorce Party Planner, with various themes like Lemons and Survivor. Blech. The Internet is filled with various suggestions…including The Wedding Ring Coffin and some religious groups even have separation ceremonies. Part of the reason, though, that traditional ceremonies are helpful is because they are traditional. Someone dies, you go to the funeral. A way to be together at a hard time that is endorsed and acknowledged by generations before us.

Seems both odd and unseemly to celebrate a divorce. What I have been doing is lots of paperwork. Reading through my incredibly long “Further Judgement on Reserved Issues”.

I didn’t cry until page 28.

Proud of that.

Had not expected the legal process to be of any particular emotional consolation, or really, to even refer to that, so I was stopped by one sentence.

“..the parties intend to buy their peace of mind to move forward in their lives with dignity and respect to control their own destiny by and through this Judgement.”

That sounds pretty ceremonial to me.

No parties, but I have booked a couple few days next year with my daughter at a spa.

Wife goes on.



About Karen Ray

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